I’m going to be selfish and (fill the gap with any suitable word for the case), because I have found out that most of my colleagues have to resubmit their background assignment, just like yours truly. Phew! It does make me feel a lot better, especially when all sorts of insecurities and doubts over my abilities came to mind and obsessed me for a couple of days (that is, until the next session when I found out about it). So, no more depression, I am working on the assignment, trying to finish the one related to the experimental practice, and generally cursing my terrible choice of starting my LSA1 with a bottom-up exercise when I could have easily just followed the flow and gone for a traditional top-down activity, like I always do: what was I thinking???
Anyway, no sense in thinking over things past, better get going and work for a better future.
Speaking of which, my horrible students have left at last: HURRAY! On Thursday I experimented the authentic material lesson I had carefully planned, and was observed for part of it, so that I could get some sympathy over their “horribility”, but the observation went well, so I am happy; and on Friday, the last day with them, I even received flowers! Fancy that. Flowers to thank me, because I taught them lots of interesting and useful lessons, they think, and for my patience… Their words! Oh, well, this is why I do it, as we say. But I am certainly glad they are good and gone, and am now preparing for a couple of weeks of…who knows?
Well, I should be doing S2 now, but there are no students, as there was only one, as part of the Czech military, so I guess I am on hold in case a teacher calls in sick; also, I hope I can take some of this time to observe some of my more experiences colleagues… However, this doesn’t sound likely, as ex-academic manager, on roll list for a couple of weeks now, hasn’t shown up, so we’ve all been covering his classes, and something tells me that yours truly will, once again, be deep in covering for two long weeks; then again, if I am not mistaken, his class was the S3, also Czech militaries, so there shouldn’t be anyone there, now. Uhm… Well it will be interesting to go to school tomorrow…
An in the afternoon, after some 2 and a half months on short courses, I’ll be back on long, teaching L4, which includes, regrettably, my Czech housemate with the really bad voice (sorry, I am so bad and will go to hell, but she really has an irritating voice); however, it’s only for 8 lessons, because long courses have Wednesday afternoons free, and so will I! And the first two lessons are ready, as on Thursday they have their PET or KET test, so I will be preparing them, and have nothing to worry about.
Boy, Christmas is coming fast, and I can’t wait, to be honest, and not because I will be relaxing and stuffing my face, no, but because I’ll have more time to study and prepare…well, everything, really, not just my LSA2, but also stuff for module 1 (phonology and methodology, how exciting) and for the extended assignment of module 3. The Cambridge guys are sooo damn strict it scares me, which is why I cherish the whole month of unemployment that I am now facing, so that I will have more time to study, really.
I do wish I could have taken a few months off to do this course properly, or just affording to work part-time, but unfortunately, as most things in my life, suffering is what I have to do.
Only joking. The truth is, I believe that what doesn’t kill you, simply makes you (ta-dah!) stronger.
So, deep breath, and go!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Stressed out...
Yes, it looks like I could do with less worries in my life…
I am writing this in the hope to put my worries on "paper" and make them look less scary, distant, approachable and solvable.
So, where to begin?
One big problem seems to be the lack of time to do everything, or shall I say that all the things that we have to do seem an enormous amount, compared to the actual time we have. Of course, teaching full time is not really helpful, especially when I am a lot better and more experienced in lower levels, and have to teach upper-int and advanced, instead. To make things better, this week I am also on half cover, so instead of recycling stuff from my morning class with my advanced student, and mixing it with general chats and a round of Scrabble, both yesterday and today I had to cover for another upper-int class of catatonic Czech students, who make me want to scream.
If this wasn’t all, it seems that tomorrow I am actually covering for an advanced class? How come, haven’t I got my own to think of? So probably the boss got mixed up, and it would be interesting to go and find out, except that he doesn’t like to see me too often, so I am never comfortable going to the office looking for help…I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault if YOU are the boss therefore YOU are responsible for the timetable and the rest, therefore YOU have the answers! Anyway, seen as I have to bother him about my situation for the year to come, I’d rather risk it and have a surprise tomorrow morning, than bothering him again. So not good, though.
Which leads me to my feelings about my work place at the moment: apart from the general gossip going about, all these women whispering every minute of their day, and even outside work (my landlady, also core staff at the school, seems to enjoy sharing gossip or whatever, whenever she sees me, and doesn’t mind repeating herself, just in case I have forgotten), well apart from that, and from a shared feeling of “we don’t like the boss”, I sense a core vs. temporary staff contrast. They seem to want to make it clear that no, we temporary staff cannot expect to stay here for much longer, unless we are their friends, like nervous inexperienced teacher who finished last week (and all her fault too: when ex-boss said that he would find her stuff to do till the end of the year, she just said “good, thank you”, and walked back to her desk, whereas I cunningly asked for a contract, got one, and therefore am now on the teaching list until the end of the year, with or without students to teach). So, there is going to be a meeting on Thursday, and it does make me laugh that I witnessed the first draft of the notice being made, and it said: “CORE STAFF MEETING”. Said head title was then changed to a general “staff meeting” invitation, but I can’t help feeling that people like Chris, me, or if he was still here, Pawel, wouldn’t really have much to say, and even if we did, our words would probably be drowned or ignored. So, to be honest, I’m going to the gym right after class, on Thursday, and then back to college for another Delta session. I think these are the most important things.
And this leads me to the study problem, which is really stressing me out, and it is the main reason why I stick to this obsessive gym-routine, as I tend to internalise stress, and it’s so not good. As I said, I don’t have enough time for everything, and I am fighting to find it and keep it: I believe I need some me-time, right?
The problem is, I leave the house at 7.40 every single morning; I get to school by 8.20, prepare my lesson at my best (given the horrible course book I have to use, given the even more horrible students I have, and whatnot), and spend the whole day teaching and planning and preparing, and trying to find something to do with my classes, and all that. It is a shared feeling with my Delta colleagues, that we are focusing so much on the learning and preparing for the diploma, that it seems that the standard of our lessons is actually going down, and I seem to be walking out of my classes thinking “what a crap lesson that was!” a lot more often than I would like. Well, at least I’m not alone. I have my diploma classes twice a week, and there we are inundated with materials, ideas, assignments, “homework”, books to read, websites to consult, and stuff to think about, god knows when, since on such days I get home at 9.40 when I’m lucky, having spent exactly 14 hours away, and almost collapsing on my bed… I dedicate 3 to 4 times a week to the gym, mostly to keep fit, and sane, and work out all the stress that I am accumulating, and also because I am paying 34£ a month for it, and I’d like to make it worth it. Plus, I like that gym.
Of course, part of my worries are also money-related, as always.
Some worries are private, although a lot less complicated than they used to be, so honestly they are not that important right now, but still, I spend some time thinking about a couple of things that I’d like to fix, and which I thought were over and done with, but apparently they are… only for me. It seems that the other part involved in this, and who actually took all the decisions in the story, is not over with it yet, which I find almost amusing, if it wasn’t also quite irritating at times, all considered. But this is another story…
Finally, to make me feel better, here is a list of things to do for the next few days, to try and sort things out:
- print background assignment with comments, work on comments, resubmit. It seems that next week and the one following I’ll be on cover in the morning, so, with a little luck, working on it at the weekend and next week, I may be able to hand it in before the last week of the course. By the way, on Thursday I must get the books back and write down page numbers, which I had written on my handwritten notes, and then as soon as I copied them down, I just didn’t take them too. Why? God knows…
- plan experimental practice and teach it. This is planned to be on Thursday, so I can prepare the students on some grammar aspects, have a closer look at how I should teach the lesson, possible organise a peer observation for the day to get the necessary feedback, and then cunningly write the assignment retrospectively and complete it over the weekend, or again next week.
- Talk to boss on Thursday; he said he’d have some time for me at some point, later in the week, I believe Thursday should be a decent day? Just before the gym, so I can then go and forget my misfortunes with a really hard work-out…
- Go the gym on Thursday and Friday, in preparation for a really long studying weekend: it was supposed to be a fun weekend with a friend coming over to visit, but the way things are going, I’ll probably spend it researching, writing, editing, revising, studying…
…well, there would be a lot more to say, but I guess I’ll stop here. I expected to spend a long night studying, but by the way things have evolved I think I will go to sleep now…It’s such a shame, really, because a colleague from the Delta wanted to go for a drink tonight after class, to celebrate my birthday, and I was so looking forward to that, and instead…
Then again, as I said, social life is nothing I can have right now…
I am writing this in the hope to put my worries on "paper" and make them look less scary, distant, approachable and solvable.
So, where to begin?
One big problem seems to be the lack of time to do everything, or shall I say that all the things that we have to do seem an enormous amount, compared to the actual time we have. Of course, teaching full time is not really helpful, especially when I am a lot better and more experienced in lower levels, and have to teach upper-int and advanced, instead. To make things better, this week I am also on half cover, so instead of recycling stuff from my morning class with my advanced student, and mixing it with general chats and a round of Scrabble, both yesterday and today I had to cover for another upper-int class of catatonic Czech students, who make me want to scream.
If this wasn’t all, it seems that tomorrow I am actually covering for an advanced class? How come, haven’t I got my own to think of? So probably the boss got mixed up, and it would be interesting to go and find out, except that he doesn’t like to see me too often, so I am never comfortable going to the office looking for help…I’m sorry, but it’s not my fault if YOU are the boss therefore YOU are responsible for the timetable and the rest, therefore YOU have the answers! Anyway, seen as I have to bother him about my situation for the year to come, I’d rather risk it and have a surprise tomorrow morning, than bothering him again. So not good, though.
Which leads me to my feelings about my work place at the moment: apart from the general gossip going about, all these women whispering every minute of their day, and even outside work (my landlady, also core staff at the school, seems to enjoy sharing gossip or whatever, whenever she sees me, and doesn’t mind repeating herself, just in case I have forgotten), well apart from that, and from a shared feeling of “we don’t like the boss”, I sense a core vs. temporary staff contrast. They seem to want to make it clear that no, we temporary staff cannot expect to stay here for much longer, unless we are their friends, like nervous inexperienced teacher who finished last week (and all her fault too: when ex-boss said that he would find her stuff to do till the end of the year, she just said “good, thank you”, and walked back to her desk, whereas I cunningly asked for a contract, got one, and therefore am now on the teaching list until the end of the year, with or without students to teach). So, there is going to be a meeting on Thursday, and it does make me laugh that I witnessed the first draft of the notice being made, and it said: “CORE STAFF MEETING”. Said head title was then changed to a general “staff meeting” invitation, but I can’t help feeling that people like Chris, me, or if he was still here, Pawel, wouldn’t really have much to say, and even if we did, our words would probably be drowned or ignored. So, to be honest, I’m going to the gym right after class, on Thursday, and then back to college for another Delta session. I think these are the most important things.
And this leads me to the study problem, which is really stressing me out, and it is the main reason why I stick to this obsessive gym-routine, as I tend to internalise stress, and it’s so not good. As I said, I don’t have enough time for everything, and I am fighting to find it and keep it: I believe I need some me-time, right?
The problem is, I leave the house at 7.40 every single morning; I get to school by 8.20, prepare my lesson at my best (given the horrible course book I have to use, given the even more horrible students I have, and whatnot), and spend the whole day teaching and planning and preparing, and trying to find something to do with my classes, and all that. It is a shared feeling with my Delta colleagues, that we are focusing so much on the learning and preparing for the diploma, that it seems that the standard of our lessons is actually going down, and I seem to be walking out of my classes thinking “what a crap lesson that was!” a lot more often than I would like. Well, at least I’m not alone. I have my diploma classes twice a week, and there we are inundated with materials, ideas, assignments, “homework”, books to read, websites to consult, and stuff to think about, god knows when, since on such days I get home at 9.40 when I’m lucky, having spent exactly 14 hours away, and almost collapsing on my bed… I dedicate 3 to 4 times a week to the gym, mostly to keep fit, and sane, and work out all the stress that I am accumulating, and also because I am paying 34£ a month for it, and I’d like to make it worth it. Plus, I like that gym.
Of course, part of my worries are also money-related, as always.
Some worries are private, although a lot less complicated than they used to be, so honestly they are not that important right now, but still, I spend some time thinking about a couple of things that I’d like to fix, and which I thought were over and done with, but apparently they are… only for me. It seems that the other part involved in this, and who actually took all the decisions in the story, is not over with it yet, which I find almost amusing, if it wasn’t also quite irritating at times, all considered. But this is another story…
Finally, to make me feel better, here is a list of things to do for the next few days, to try and sort things out:
- print background assignment with comments, work on comments, resubmit. It seems that next week and the one following I’ll be on cover in the morning, so, with a little luck, working on it at the weekend and next week, I may be able to hand it in before the last week of the course. By the way, on Thursday I must get the books back and write down page numbers, which I had written on my handwritten notes, and then as soon as I copied them down, I just didn’t take them too. Why? God knows…
- plan experimental practice and teach it. This is planned to be on Thursday, so I can prepare the students on some grammar aspects, have a closer look at how I should teach the lesson, possible organise a peer observation for the day to get the necessary feedback, and then cunningly write the assignment retrospectively and complete it over the weekend, or again next week.
- Talk to boss on Thursday; he said he’d have some time for me at some point, later in the week, I believe Thursday should be a decent day? Just before the gym, so I can then go and forget my misfortunes with a really hard work-out…
- Go the gym on Thursday and Friday, in preparation for a really long studying weekend: it was supposed to be a fun weekend with a friend coming over to visit, but the way things are going, I’ll probably spend it researching, writing, editing, revising, studying…
…well, there would be a lot more to say, but I guess I’ll stop here. I expected to spend a long night studying, but by the way things have evolved I think I will go to sleep now…It’s such a shame, really, because a colleague from the Delta wanted to go for a drink tonight after class, to celebrate my birthday, and I was so looking forward to that, and instead…
Then again, as I said, social life is nothing I can have right now…
Monday, November 16, 2009
Two more weeks...
...before S 3.2 finally finishes.. Man, I hate those guys. They are a teacher's nightmare.
First, Czech guy number one is highly intrapersonal: never wants to work with other people, is slightly higher than the other two, or simply more confident, a bit cocky too, possibly a psycho inside, and very childish (remember the scene in Shrek 2 with Donkey making popping sounds with his mouth while going to Far Far Away? That was Czech guy number one this morning, every time I turned to write on the board..oh, how old are you again?).
Hungarian teacher is hopeless, and as long as she is talking, and asking things for herself, and commenting on things that interest her, it's fine. If one of the other two guys does it, then after less than a minute she goes "can we move on, please? Because I have paid for this course"...Oh, boy. Plus, she's highly jealous, as with her students she cannot really tell them to discuss something while she simply monitors, she must always be present, help them out, provide words and all that, so she cannot stand when I tell them to work together, and finds every possible excuse to make me speak too, and believe me, it's not because she likes me and genuinely wants me to join in, oh, no.
Czech guy number two is my favourite, because he's sweet, cooperative, has a nice smile, asks proper questions that are relevant to what we're doing... Unfortunately, he's not very confident, and I think he may be a bit shy too... Uff. Two more weeks to go, no new students, and a change of book from Horrible Book number one to Horrible Book number two..
In other news, and for something completely trivial, I have just bought a beautiful dress at M&S, and can I just say, I really feel for the poor people who work there...Saturday morning, 14th November, and there were CHRISTMAS SONGS in the air... With 6 weeks to Christmas, the poor employees must be going mental by the end of the month, really. One colleague at school was saying that there should be a law to prevent this kind of things, come on! I cannot think of Christmas yet, it's not even my birthday!
Speaking of which... The countdown is -5!
And now, back to that Experimental Practice assignment...
First, Czech guy number one is highly intrapersonal: never wants to work with other people, is slightly higher than the other two, or simply more confident, a bit cocky too, possibly a psycho inside, and very childish (remember the scene in Shrek 2 with Donkey making popping sounds with his mouth while going to Far Far Away? That was Czech guy number one this morning, every time I turned to write on the board..oh, how old are you again?).
Hungarian teacher is hopeless, and as long as she is talking, and asking things for herself, and commenting on things that interest her, it's fine. If one of the other two guys does it, then after less than a minute she goes "can we move on, please? Because I have paid for this course"...Oh, boy. Plus, she's highly jealous, as with her students she cannot really tell them to discuss something while she simply monitors, she must always be present, help them out, provide words and all that, so she cannot stand when I tell them to work together, and finds every possible excuse to make me speak too, and believe me, it's not because she likes me and genuinely wants me to join in, oh, no.
Czech guy number two is my favourite, because he's sweet, cooperative, has a nice smile, asks proper questions that are relevant to what we're doing... Unfortunately, he's not very confident, and I think he may be a bit shy too... Uff. Two more weeks to go, no new students, and a change of book from Horrible Book number one to Horrible Book number two..
In other news, and for something completely trivial, I have just bought a beautiful dress at M&S, and can I just say, I really feel for the poor people who work there...Saturday morning, 14th November, and there were CHRISTMAS SONGS in the air... With 6 weeks to Christmas, the poor employees must be going mental by the end of the month, really. One colleague at school was saying that there should be a law to prevent this kind of things, come on! I cannot think of Christmas yet, it's not even my birthday!
Speaking of which... The countdown is -5!
And now, back to that Experimental Practice assignment...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
LSA1: how was it, then?
Well, I have some very nice colleagues who've supported me all along all morning, so, thank you all!
(except the poor sod, the sad bastard, the pathetic git, who had nothing better to do than tell me that to use my flashdrive on the computer in the staff room I had to scan it first... as if anyone in that office has ever done it or will ever do! But hey, I guess today it was my turn to be bullied).
Then, the lesson itself went well, with only a couple of minor slips:
one, I miscalculated the time, but mostly due to the presence of my borrowed students from L3, lovely guys that I wish I could have all the time, and who were very talkative, very responsive, very VERY! I wish my usual guys, after seeing how a lesson should go, started being real students from tomorrow... Unfortunately, hopes are low..
Problem number two, and I've been kicking myself since I found out, I had prepared a list of verbs and prepositions... and used the wrong preposition in one of the examples! I still can't believe I did that. Of course, when you've spent two weeks working on the background assignment, on the lesson plan, on the cover sheets, on the class profile, on the students' profile, on the materials, on the tasks... and at the same time you've tried to teach 8.30-15.30, well, I guess a slip can happen, I'm only human.
Still, it will bug me for eternity. I am one of those people with a horribly good memory, who remember every tiny detail of their life, and whereas the good memories haunt you because they've gone and you cannot have them again, the bad memories haunt you because you're still going crazy at how you could have done better, or said something different, or whatever.
The lesson of the day is: LSA1 is finished and gone, I am happy about it, I haven't made major mistakes that will cost me, and I am pretty proud that I survived, and that I was the bravest in the group, who chose (CHOSE!) to be observed first! A pat on the back and a high-five for me!
(except the poor sod, the sad bastard, the pathetic git, who had nothing better to do than tell me that to use my flashdrive on the computer in the staff room I had to scan it first... as if anyone in that office has ever done it or will ever do! But hey, I guess today it was my turn to be bullied).
Then, the lesson itself went well, with only a couple of minor slips:
one, I miscalculated the time, but mostly due to the presence of my borrowed students from L3, lovely guys that I wish I could have all the time, and who were very talkative, very responsive, very VERY! I wish my usual guys, after seeing how a lesson should go, started being real students from tomorrow... Unfortunately, hopes are low..
Problem number two, and I've been kicking myself since I found out, I had prepared a list of verbs and prepositions... and used the wrong preposition in one of the examples! I still can't believe I did that. Of course, when you've spent two weeks working on the background assignment, on the lesson plan, on the cover sheets, on the class profile, on the students' profile, on the materials, on the tasks... and at the same time you've tried to teach 8.30-15.30, well, I guess a slip can happen, I'm only human.
Still, it will bug me for eternity. I am one of those people with a horribly good memory, who remember every tiny detail of their life, and whereas the good memories haunt you because they've gone and you cannot have them again, the bad memories haunt you because you're still going crazy at how you could have done better, or said something different, or whatever.
The lesson of the day is: LSA1 is finished and gone, I am happy about it, I haven't made major mistakes that will cost me, and I am pretty proud that I survived, and that I was the bravest in the group, who chose (CHOSE!) to be observed first! A pat on the back and a high-five for me!
Monday, November 09, 2009
And the countdown is...
So, Wednesday is the big day of the first observation, or LSA1.
Checklist:
- background assignment: completed
- material for appendix: prepared
- cover sheet for lesson plan: ready
- lesson plan: done
- material for the lesson: photocopied, stapled, clipped, ready
- board plan: clear in my mind... Ok, I'll prepare it now, just as a back-up (we're doing prepositions, can't be too difficult, but better be prepared..)
Ultimately, I am ready, and feel ready, if only for a couple of details, such as the fact that I am not teaching anything special in language, so there is no word study in my cover sheet about it, only collocations...Got to ask about that...
And also, I have to borrow two students from L3, so that I'll have the right number for my lesson to be valid... I have a taught those guy before, and was thinking of going to their class tomorrow and asking two volunteers, rather than asking the teacher to blindly giving me two students who have no clue of what's going on... Still, it's scary because most of the guys in that class are Arabic, and this means that my assumptions on their knowledge would be rough, rather than spot-on. I can only cross my fingers...
More to come...
Checklist:
- background assignment: completed
- material for appendix: prepared
- cover sheet for lesson plan: ready
- lesson plan: done
- material for the lesson: photocopied, stapled, clipped, ready
- board plan: clear in my mind... Ok, I'll prepare it now, just as a back-up (we're doing prepositions, can't be too difficult, but better be prepared..)
Ultimately, I am ready, and feel ready, if only for a couple of details, such as the fact that I am not teaching anything special in language, so there is no word study in my cover sheet about it, only collocations...Got to ask about that...
And also, I have to borrow two students from L3, so that I'll have the right number for my lesson to be valid... I have a taught those guy before, and was thinking of going to their class tomorrow and asking two volunteers, rather than asking the teacher to blindly giving me two students who have no clue of what's going on... Still, it's scary because most of the guys in that class are Arabic, and this means that my assumptions on their knowledge would be rough, rather than spot-on. I can only cross my fingers...
More to come...
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Talk to the hand, I'm busy
...working on three different assignments and trying to prepare the best listening lesson ever is not easy...plus I have a cold, plus I am thinking about personal things too (not that anything is going on, however, I happen to spend some time wondering...), plus I am into some serious work-out routine, if only for the sake of mental health, plus I would like to cook some of the lovely vegs I bought and which I cannot bring myself to cook because at the end of the day I am simply just too tired, so an apple and a cup of peppermint tea must do...
Highlighs of the week:
- covering L 3 on Monday morning, and meeting the students from said class both yesterday and today, and being asked "teacher, why don't we have you again?".
- meeting my favourite L5 student (now L4, good boy) in the cafeteria, and the first thing he says is "I miss you, teacher". A feeling shared by most of my students, it seems...
People, vote for me !
Highlighs of the week:
- covering L 3 on Monday morning, and meeting the students from said class both yesterday and today, and being asked "teacher, why don't we have you again?".
- meeting my favourite L5 student (now L4, good boy) in the cafeteria, and the first thing he says is "I miss you, teacher". A feeling shared by most of my students, it seems...
People, vote for me !
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